Language of Love
by sour-skittle13
Summary: A Collection of one-shot Song-fics that are completely ElliotOlivia.
1. Love in the First Degree

Disclaimer: I don't own them...You don't sue me!

A/N: This is going to be a collection of Love Song Fics about Elliot and Olivia! This is a fic for the song _Love In The First Degree _by Alabama.

There will be more stories but they don't necessarily relate to one another.

* * *

**Love in The First Degree**

**Elliot's POV**

"Elliot?" Olivia stared at me from behind her door. "What's up?"

My heart starts tripping over itself, pounding through my chest and I can't find the right words to say.

"Do you want to come inside?" she asks, holding the door open so I can slip inside.

I still can't talk and every breath I take eats at my chest, trying to devour me alive. All this because I love her.

"Liv," I choke on her name and she's at my side in an instant.

We sit on the couch and I take her hands in mine. I catch her eyes and try to fight the drowning sensation I get from simply staring into her big, brown eyes.

"How long has it been since Kathy left?" I ask her quietly, she tears her eyes away from mine.

"I dunno El," she whispers, "four, maybe five months. Why?"

* * *

_**I once thought of love as a prison**_

_**A place I didn't want to be**_

_**So long ago I made a decision**_

_**To be footloose and fancy free

* * *

**_

"You know that she took the kids," She nods and I can visibly see the confusion in her gaze.

"Elliot," she pulls her hands away while I am busy staring at her full mouth. She sounds defeated, tired and worn and I wonder how my divorce affected her emotionally. She was who I leant on whenever I got depressed without my children.

"Wait Olivia," I want her to listen to what I have to say, this has everything to do with her. "When Kathy left, she took my pride away. I told myself that I couldn't trust myself to fall in love and screw it all up again, I told myself that I would be a divorced father of four for the rest of my life, and that love would just hurt me again."

Olivia reached out to touch my shoulder, "I'm sensing there's a 'but'." She murmured,

I nodded.

* * *

_**But you came and I was so tempted**_

_**To gamble on love just one time**_

_**I never thought that I would get caught**_

_**It seemed like a perfect crime

* * *

**_

"I found the perfect woman," I don't know why I'm skirting the fact that I'm talking about Olivia.

I see sadness flicker through her eyes before she plasters a convincing, happy smile on her face. "I'm happy for you," her voice catches slightly; she won't look me in the eye.

"I'm not," I reply, Olivia reaches out to play with the collar of my shirt. "I can't afford to love her."

Now she looks at me, "Why not?" her voice is wavering softly.

"'Cuz she's my partner!"

* * *

_**Baby, you left me defenseless**_

_**I've only got one plea**_

_**Lock me away inside of your love**_

_**And throw away the key**_

_**I'm guilty of love in the first degree

* * *

**_

"I'm guilty of not only loving you, but of being in love with you!" I forge ahead before she can interrupt my monologue. "Sometimes, I have to be angry at you, because if I'm not, I'd kiss you in front of all our colleagues."

* * *

_**I thought it would be so simple**_

**_Like a thousand times before_**

_**I take what I wanted and just walk away**_

_**But I never made it to the door

* * *

**_

"I tried to tell myself, that if I could have you once, all this would go away. I could get over my infatuation with you. As soon as that thought left my head, I wanted to kick my own ass for thinking it. You aren't just someone's prize. You deserve to be loved."

I can see a single tear sliding down her cheek from beneath her closed eyelids. Damn me! It takes a lot to make Olivia cry. I want to kick my own ass again.

* * *

_**Now babe I'm not begging for mercy**_

_**Go ahead and throw the book at me**_

_**If loving you's a crime**_

_**I know that I'm as guilty as a man can be

* * *

**_

"I don't need you to forgive me." I add quickly. "I'll talk to Cragen tomorrow and get a transfer to Homicide or something, I'll tell him I need to spend more time with my kids or something. Baby I'm sorry, you deserve better than what I can give you, and you deserve better than me."

She opens her eyes slowly and I'm waiting for them to fill with hate and anger, instead they look overloaded. Great, good going Stabler, I gave her too much information at once.

* * *

_**Baby, you left me defenseless**_

_**I've only got one plea**_

_**Lock me away inside of your love**_

_**And throw away the key**_

_**I'm guilty of love in the first degree

* * *

**_

"Elliot," her voice is calm, all hesitation gone.

"I'm so sorry Liv," I stand to walk towards her door, but she still has a hold on my wrist.

"You're just gonna walk away Stabler?" she's challenging me.

"I'm sorry," I repeat, trying not to stare at her mouth, the mouth I long to kiss.

"Why?" she asks, stepping close to me and trailing her fingers down my cheek.

"Because you deserve better than me, because I love you, because I'll get us into trouble."

"I don't care," she whispers, pressing her body against mine. "If we're gonna get arrested, let's enjoy the crime first!"

"What's the charge?" I whisper back, my lips centimeters away from hers. This conversation is going to end in a steamy kiss, and I know it.

"Love in the first degree!" I grab her mouth in a hot kiss, and pull her towards me, wrapping my arms around her slim waist. She kisses me back with the same amount of passion and shortly, I have to pull for a breath.

"You think Cabot can try a hand at being a defense attorney for us?" I ask,

"Shut up El," she growls before pulling my lips down to crash into hers.

Oh yeah, we're guilty, but we don't care!

* * *

_**Love in the first degree oh yea**_

_**Love in the first degree**_

_**Love in the first degree oh yea**_

_**Love in the first degree**_

_**Love in the first degree**_

_**Love in the first degree

* * *

**_

The End... 


	2. For You I Will

Disclaimer: Me no own...You no sue!

A/N: This song is _For You I Will_ by Monica. Thank you to everyone who reviewed, you guys rock!

**

* * *

**

**For You I Will**

**Olivia's POV**

He is slumped over his desk, head in his hands, back rising and falling slowly with each breath he takes. His shirt today matches his sharp, blue eyes and his hunter green tie is lying across the pile of file folders that are sitting on his desk.

I sit and watch him breathe for a few minutes, in our line of work it is very possible to be shot, stabbed, or severely wounded while on duty. Munch and Fin left about an hour ago, Cragen was holed up in his office, talking to a relative on the telephone.

After a few minutes, Elliot gets to his feet. His body seems heavy, like he's about ready to give up on the job, maybe even his life. Seeing what we see everyday tends to eventually have that affect on cops with Special Victims. More than anything, my partner needs a friend.

* * *

_**When you're feeling lost in the night**_

_**When you feel your world just ain't right**_

_**Call on me, I will be waiting**_

_**Count on me, I will be there**_

_**Anytime the times get too tough**_

_**Anytime your best ain't enough**_

_**I'll be the one to make it better

* * *

**_

He grabs his suit jacket and shrugs it on after rolling his sleeves down from his elbows. He isn't looking at me, but I can tell he can feel my gaze. He grabs his coffee mug and drains the last bit of cold caffeine from the bottom of the cup and sets it back down.

Turning away from me, I watch him leave the bull pen and head for the door to the roof. I quietly slide the witness statement I was scanning back into the folder and push my chair back. Elliot's can push me away all he wants but I'm not going anywhere.

* * *

_**I'll be there to protect you**_

_**See you through**_

**_I'll be there and there ain't anything_**

_**I won't do

* * *

**_

Partners are supposed to shield each other, protect each other from any kind of hurt and I'm not going to let my partner down when he needs me most. It used to usually be the other way round with all this comforting crap.

I'm the one who has the most problems with cases, victims, the general feeling of helplessness. My past makes the fall hard and fast. Like when you step off the bottom step on a staircase and could have sworn that there was another step below it. When it comes to me and my welfare, Elliot is like a mother hen with her chicks, only he's male and he's a father of four kids, not a mother of small chickens.

* * *

_**I will cross the ocean for you**_

_**I will go and bring you the moon**_

_**I will be your hero, your strength**_

_**Anything you need**_

_**I will be the sun in your sky**_

_**I will light your way for all time**_

_**I promise you**_

_**For you I will

* * *

**_

I don't bother snatching my coat before I follow Elliot up to the roof, it's pretty warm for April and I'll survive in a short sleeve shirt. Under most circumstances I would only have to give him a shoulder to cry on, or a person to duke his anger out with. This time, however, I don't know what is contributing to his current state of mind.

He's going to fight me tooth and nail until either I drag everything out of him, or he throws me over the balcony to my death. I sincerely hope that it's the first one.

His back is to me when I step through the door.

"Elliot," My voice is harder than I anticipated, and he turns to look at me, his eyes sad.

"What," It's the cold in his voice more than the sudden breeze that makes me shiver.

* * *

_**I will shield your heart from the rain**_

_**I will let no harm come your way**_

_**Oh, these arms will be your shelter**_

_**No, these arms won't let you down**_

_**If there is a mountain to move**_

_**I will move that mountain for you**_

_**I'm here for you, I'm here forever

* * *

**_

His eyes seem to register the fact that he was too harsh to me and he shifts his jacket off to place over my shoulders. I step away and feel it slip to the ground, Elliot simply stares. I move closer to him until he is leaning backwards over the guard rail, his hands gripping the cylinder of metal.

Intuitively, I lean into his chest, wrapping my arms around his waist, feeling the soft cotton of his shirt covering the hard muscles of his chest. I can feel each breath radiate through his lungs.

"Let it go Elliot!" I murmur into his stomach.

* * *

_**I will be your fortress**_

_**Tall and strong**_

_**I'll keep you safe, I'll stand beside you**_

_**Right or wrong

* * *

**_

"Liv," his voice is thick and laced with tears which I know he won't shed.

"Let go!" I repeat.

I feel his body relax against me, his hands release their death grip on the guardrail to grab a hold of me instead.

"I'm sorry Liv," his body curls forwards to cradle me against him, "I can't do this anymore! I need out, I need to be normal!"

I can feel him staring at me when I chuckle.

* * *

_**I will cross the ocean for you**_

_**I will go and bring you the moon**_

_**I will be your hero, your strength**_

_**Anything you need**_

_**I will be the sun in your sky**_

_**I will light your way for all time**_

_**I promise you**_

_**For you I will

* * *

**_

"No one is normal, Elliot!" I state clearly. "Especially not us, and we're a little to far gone to become normal!" Even though no one can prove my statements, we both know that they are solid fact. An ex-special victims cop can never be ordinary.

"You're right!" he sighs, hugging my even closer, I wonder if he can feel my racing heartbeat. "But-" he trails off, I follow.

"But what El,"

"I'm not sure if I mean anything here! If I retire or transfer, I can spend more time with my kids, with my college buddies, who's gonna care if I stay here, yeah, maybe I'm a god cop that gets pervs and perps off the streets," damn, he read my mind, "But do I really know John? Fin?" he pauses for a second before pushing my back to look into his eyes, "Do I really know you, Liv?"

I feel like a fish out of water, you know when you keep trying to take a breath and there is no air so you panic and need it even more. I'm shocked by his words, not hurt, not angry. I can literally feel his pain; of course he is gripping my arms rather tightly.

"I would die for you Stabler!"

* * *

_**For you I will**_

_**Lay my life on the line**_

_**For you I will fight (oh, oh)**_

_**For you I will die**_

**_With every breath, with all my soul_**

_**I'll give my word, I'll give it all**_

_**Put your faith in me**_

_**(Put your faith in me)**_

_**And I'll do anything

* * *

**_

The words are out of my mouth before I realize what I was saying. Elliot stares at me for a few seconds, he's processing my words, and I can read his mind like a book.

"It's your job-" I cut him off immediately by pressing against him until he is once again leaning over the guardrail.

"Don't.Go.There.Detective!" my words are clipped and I am holding back the threatening tears. I have worked with this man for over six years and he believes that I only protect him 'cause it's my job. I fight the urge to land a smack to his cheek.

He seems to sense my anger, frustration, and hurt and his body tenses.

"Oh God, Liv, I didn't mean-" I cut him off again.

"Damn You Elliot!" I can hear the tears behind my voice and I curse myself knowing that he can hear them too. "I would do anything for you! I thought you knew that, if you ran to Antarctica, I would walk across the water to bring you home. If you told me you wanted the moon to light up your night, I would box it up and tie it with a ribbon for you. If you get lost, I'll be your roadmap back to where you belong. Don't tell me that's the job, 'cause I know damn well what it is and I'm scared of it!"

* * *

_**I will cross the ocean for you**_

_**I will go and bring you the moon**_

_**I will be your hero, your strength**_

_**Anything you need**_

_**I will be the sun in your sky**_

_**I will light your way for all time**_

_**I promise you**_

_**For you I will

* * *

**_

I turn to leave. I totally just blew any lid I had over my feelings for this man clear to Canada. Best to disappear now. I'll grab my stuff from the precinct and hide out in the ladies room so if he goes to my apartment I won't be there and won't have to face him, at least not yet.

I keep my head down until I reach the door. I put a hand out to reach the handle, before I can, a lone tear slips down my face and I use my hand to brush it back instead. That action gives my partner the time he needs to call my name.

"Liv," his voice is choked slightly; at least he's hurting like I am. "Would you really do all that for me?"

* * *

_**I will, I will, I will

* * *

**_

"I sure as hell wouldn't do that for Munch!" I reply, staying by the door, but now I have no intention of leaving.

"Olivia," his tone is sweet, caring even. I'm scared. "If you need someone to lean on, I'm always gonna be here for you, if the clouds cover up your sunny skies, I'll chase them away. I promise to give you anything you need, just tell me what you want."

He's trying to make amends. We both know that if I muster up the courage to leave him standing up here, come tomorrow either I will have asked for a new partner, or he will have asked for a transfer.

"You can't give me what I want, Elliot!" I answer him, my heart is doing the talking, my brain got lost around the time he asked if I only protected him because it was my job.

"Why?" he's pleading with me, I don't think he realizes that I'm not actually gonna leave him now. "What do you want Liv?"

I have to be honest. It's time to drop my shield and show him how I feel.

* * *

_**I will cross the ocean for you**_

_**I will go and bring you the moon**_

_**I will be your hero, your strength**_

_**Anything you need**_

_**I will be the sun in your sky**_

_**I will light your way for all time**_

_**I promise you**_

_**For you I will

* * *

**_

"You," is the one word I utter.

I hear his sigh and look at the ground again. I blew any reconciliation chances we might have had. I hear steady footsteps and I raise my head to see him walking towards me. He ignores his jacket, which is still lying on the dirty concrete; instead he reaches for me and pulls me against him. I involuntarily relax into his chest and wrap my arms around his neck, clinging to the one time this will ever happen.

"Thank God," I hear his whisper into my hair, "For a second I thought you were going to ask for Munch!"

I give him an incredulous look, then a small smile. I hope to the Universal Being that I don't believe in, that he is saying what I think he is saying.

He ducks his head slowly towards mine and presses his lips softly to mine. The kiss is sweet, but I am too shocked to react until I feel his start to pull away. I am not going to let my stupidly, slow reflexes ruin the most perfect moment of my life. I pull his closer to me and kiss him back.

* * *

_**I promise you**_

_**For you I will (I will)**_

_**I promise you**_

_**For you I will

* * *

**_

The End…


	3. I Just Called to Say 'I LOVE YOU'

Disclaimer: They aren't mine so please don't sue!

A/N: The song is _I Just Called to Say I Love You_ by Stevie Wonder! Thank you to reviewers!

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* * *

**

**I Just Called to Say 'I LOVE YOU'**

**

* * *

**

"_Liv, gun!" Elliot had barely gotten the words out when a shot fired. Olivia swayed then slumped forwards, blood pouring from the hole in her stomach. _

_A dark shadow turned to run, it's gun clattering loudly to the warehouse floor. Elliot gritted his teeth, took aim, and fired one shot. The figure went down and Elliot sprinted to his partner._

_Her breathing was ragged, her chest falling up and down unevenly. Crouching beside her on the dirty ground, Elliot pulled his t-shirt over his head and pressed against her stomach, willing the wound to clot. While one hand held the compress in place, Elliot grabbed his radio. _

"_Officer Down!" he deliberated quickly, "Send a bus!" _

_Olivia's breathing was growing slower and blood was gathering at her mouth. _

"_Hold on Liv," Elliot stated, pulling her head into his lap and stroking her hair back from her eyes. "You're going to be fine!"_

"_Elliot," Olivia choked out his name, her skin was pale, too pale, and the blood wouldn't stop flowing._

"_Liv, Baby, Stay with me!" Elliot coaxed, hoping she caught his double meaning. Stay awake, and Stay alive. _

"_El, I love you!" she coughed. Olivia's eyes fluttered closed and her breathing stopped. Elliot quickly felt for a pulse, nothing. _

"_Liv," he called her name, no answer.

* * *

_

Elliot sat up in bed quickly. He checked his clock, 2:50 a.m. Kathy was sound asleep, curled away from him, hair covering her face.

'It was just a dream' Elliot told himself, 'just a dream'

* * *

_**No New Years Day to celebrate, **_

_**No chocolate covered candy hearts to give away, **_

_**No first of spring, no song to sing, **_

_**In fact, here's just another ordinary day.

* * *

**_

He slipped from under the sheets and quietly opened the bedroom door. He tiptoed down the stairs and paused at the bottom of the steps to give his head a little shake. Liv was fine, she was probably asleep and perfectly safe. There was nothing to be afraid of.

He padded softly into the kitchen, grabbing a beer from the fridge and sitting at the counter. The tile was coolly refreshing against his bare feet. The Fan blew breaths of air across his bare torso. Sighing softly, Elliot reached for the phone, knowing he wouldn't be satisfied until he was sure that his partner was safe.

* * *

_**No April rain, no flowers' bloom, **_

_**No wedding Saturday within the month of June. **_

_**But what it is is something true **_

_**Made up of these three words that I must say to you.

* * *

**_

The phone rang against his ear three times before he lost his nerve and hung up. What was wrong, he called his partner every night before bed, why was he afraid to dial her number now.

'What am I supposed to say?' he wondered, 'hi Liv, can you breathe for me? I want to make sure you're okay!' oh yeah, that would blow over nicely. Let's wake the Lioness up in the middle of the night to ask her to breathe.

'I love you,' she had said before her last breath in his dream. That was what was bugging him, she said she loved him and never gave him a chance to answer her.

* * *

_**I just called to say I love you; **_

_**I just called to say how much I care; **_

_**I just called to say I love you, **_

_**And I mean it from the bottom of my heart.

* * *

**_

"Daddy? What's wrong?"

"Nothing Maureen, go back to sleep honey!" Elliot watched his eldest daughter shuffle out of the kitchen with a glass of water.

She was a psychology major at college, maybe she could give him some advice. Elliot mentally kicked himself. Good idea, let's talk to my daughter about feelings for a woman not her mother.

* * *

_**No summer's high, no warm July, **_

_**No harvest moon to light one tender August night, **_

_**No autumn breeze, no falling leaves, **_

_**Not even time for birds to fly to southern skies.

* * *

**_

He took a long pull from his beer and picked up the phone again, redialing the familiar number. Someone picked up on the third ring and Elliot heard a huge yawn on the other end of the phone.

"Benson and do you know what time it is?"

Elliot held in his chuckle, and listened to her breaths hit the phone softly.

"Elliot, if that is you, so help me God I will skin you alive!" she sounded sleepy, but jovial, "Seriously, I'm going back to sleep!"

The phone clicked and Elliot sighed, she was safe, she was alive, she was mock threatening him.

* * *

_**No Libra sun, no Hallowe'en, **_

_**No giving thanks for all the Christmas joy you bring, **_

_**But what it is, tho' old, so new, **_

_**To fill your heart like no three words could ever do.

* * *

**_

'That wasn't good enough' a small voice spoke up in his head. 'What happens if she's in a car accident or something tomorrow before work? I have to call back now!'

Elliot finished his beer and rinsed out the bottle, setting it gently in the trash can before his picked up the phone again.

Hitting redial, he ran a hand up his chest, scratching his skin leisurely before hooking his hand around the back of his neck.

He heard the answering machine pick up this time.

"Liv, it's Elliot," he paused for a moment, thinking about how best to say what he wanted to say, "I just called to say," he paused,

* * *

_**I just called to say I love you; **_

_**I just called to say how much I care; **_

_**I just called to say I love you, **_

_**And I mean it from the bottom of my heart.

* * *

**_

"I love you Liv, and God, I mean it!"

Just as he was about to hang up his receiver, someone picked up the other end.

"I love you too, El"

* * *

_**I just called to say I love you; **_

_**I just called to say how much I care; **_

_**I just called to say I love you, **_

_**And I mean it from the bottom of my heart.

* * *

**_

The End…


	4. Miss Independent

Disclaimer: Not Mine, Dick Wolf's!

A/N: The song is _Miss Independent_ by Kelly Clarkson. This story is a letter written to Alex while she is still in the Witness Protection Program.

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* * *

**

**Miss Independent**

**Olivia's POV**

Dear Alex,

We miss you something terribly here in Manhattan.

Kathy left Elliot a few months ago. At first she just took the kids and went to her mother's house but then a divorce followed and he's been shaky ever since.

Fin saw his son again after getting shot. It was my fault; I didn't have his back so to make it up to him I contacted his son and brought him to see his father in the hospital. That kid booked it out of there as soon as he knew his father was going to be okay.

Munch is still being Munch, you know, with the lame jokes, and bad coffee. He misses you a lot, maybe even more than I do.

I'm doing just fine on my own. I'm back to being practically the only woman in the squad. Casey doesn't count; she doesn't seem to want to be here anymore than we seem to want her. Still no boyfriend to speak of, Mr. Right, it seems, either doesn't exist, or lives in the Arctic Circle. I'm still independent, self-sufficient, unafraid, and alone.

* * *

_**Miss Independent, Miss Self-Sufficient**_

_**Miss Keep-Your-Distance**_

_**Miss Unafraid, Miss Out-of-My-Way**_

_**Miss Don't-Let-a-Man-Interfere (no)**_

_**Miss On-Her-Own, Miss Almost-Grown**_

_**Miss Never-Let-a-Man-Help-Her-Off-Her-Throne

* * *

**_

You are the only one who knows why I don't allow guys to love me. I think I told you because you did exactly what I did. Pretended to let a guy in when you were sad and lonely, but pushed him away as soon as he made the long fall into love. Only you were never as apprehensive as I was, and still am; which is why I'm scared to think about the feelings taking over me.

Maybe I've started to change my mind. Maybe there are worse things than love in this world. Like being eaten alive by beavers for example, or I dunno, there has to be something worse than falling in love. Wonder why I'm defending love all of a sudden? So do I! Maybe it's because I've started thinking.

* * *

_**So by keeping her heart protected**_

_**She'd never ever feel rejected**_

_**Little Miss Apprehensive**_

_**Said ooh, she fell in love

* * *

**_

There's a guy I know. In fact I more than know him. I can read him like a book. I know his ups, and downs, lefts, and rights. I know what makes him tick, and I know what makes him tock. I think about him when I'm trying to fall asleep and, when the sun rises or I wake up in the middle of the night with a phone call I think about how I can spend another day with him. He's one of my best friends.

I'm not sure why all of a sudden everything he does can make me smile, cry, laugh, or smoke like a gun. He helped me through everything. Like the time when my simple dismissal of a case because our witness was drunk got 6 other woman raped, or the time I was held as a hostage with a young man named Lee who had been raped. Elliot wasn't there then, but god he helped me afterwards. The biggest thing he helped me through was my HIV scare. You remember me telling you about the Bronx ADA I dated? Jeffery York? Well he was infected and raped and killed and El made sure I was okay with everything.

* * *

_**What is this feelin' takin' over?**_

_**Thinkin' no one could open the door**_

_**Surpriseit's time**_

_**To feel what's real**_

_**What happened to Miss Independence?**_

_**No longer need to be defensive**_

_**Goodbye, old you**_

_**When love is true

* * *

**_

I guess I've changed since we last talked. I'm not sure I like what's happening to me. You know how we used to go out for drinks and rate guys' looks. Every time I go out on my own, or with my friend Brianne, from college, no one measures up to Elliot. No one's eyes can talk to me like his can. No one else has those gorgeous tattoos on his forearm and bicep.

Alex what's wrong with me? I'm not supposed to be giddy over guys, of course, it's not all guys, just this one. I can't talk to Casey about this, I don't know her well enough to talk about a possible flame between me and a coworker. Besides, this is possibly just a phase I'm going through, right?

* * *

_**Miss Guarded-Heart, Miss Play-it-Smart**_

_**Miss If-You-Want-to-Use-That-Line-You-Better-Not-Start (no)**_

_**But she miscalculated**_

_**She didn't want to end up jaded**_

_**And this miss decided not to miss out on true love

* * *

**_

When Kathy left Elliot, I started my real thinking. My first thought was 'what is the point of love if you're just going to end up hurt?' The only reason I kept hope for myself was the fact that the Stablers were a happy family. I guess I was wrong.

I was able to hang out with Elliot more. He could stay out later with us, and come get drinks. We talked most nights on the phone and had movie nights in our PJs with beer and popcorn so he could ease the pain away. We forged a new connection and renewed the old one. We can talk without words.

* * *

_**So by changing her misconceptions**_

_**She went in a new direction**_

_**And found inside she felt a connection**_

_**She fell in love

* * *

**_

I think I know what's happening to me and I don't want it to. Everything that happens between us makes my heart jump into my throat and I can barely breathe. Nothing can happen anyways, I won't be a rebound because a crush isn't worth the heartbreak I'll get when he realizes that he should go back to Kathy, or another gorgeous blonde, feminine woman he meets.

What man wouldn't want a girly wife, someone who they can protect and take care of; someone that these big scary cops can show their softer side to because they sure as hell can't show it at work. The only thing I could do is not care if they watch football all day because hell, I'd be watching too.

* * *

_**What is this feelin' takin' over?**_

_**Thinkin' no one could open the door**_

_**Surpriseit's time**_

_**To feel what's real**_

_**What happened to Miss Independence?**_

_**No longer need to be defensive**_

_**Goodbye, old you**_

_**When love is true

* * *

**_

Is it wrong to sometimes wish that a man would want me enough to fight for me when I push him away? Is it wrong to wish that a certain, blue-eyed man would want me enough to not care about the IAB's damn policy?

I sure hope not because if it is then I'm dead wrong. A couple years of probation might fix me for a while, but love is like a life of crime. It can't be beaten out of someone. One you've been in love once, you're bound to either stay in love, or fall in love again.

Not me though, I will go through rehab and emerge a changed, fixed, woman.

* * *

_**When Miss Independence walked away**_

_**No time for love that came her way**_

_**She looked in the mirror and thought today**_

_**What happened to Miss No-Longer-Afraid?**_

_**It took some time for her to see**_

_**How beautiful love could truly be**_

_**No more talk of why can't that be me**_

_**I'm so glad I fin'lly see

* * *

**_

But when you think about it, Elliot makes me smile just by walking into the room. He can always make me laugh when I'm upset and he makes me feel good. We occasionally flirt, it's hardly anything, but I feel giddy when he buys me a drink or calls me gorgeous.

Do you think there could be more to this love thing than meets the eye?

Oh God, I've just realized something. Time to make this a historical document, Olivia Benson is in love!

Thanks for listening Alex, another letter is going into the folder I keep for when you come back. You will come back!

I miss you terribly,

Detective Olivia Benson

* * *

_**What is this feelin' takin' over?**_

_**Thinkin' no one could open the door**_

_**Surpriseit's time**_

_**To feel what's real**_

_**What happened to Miss Independence?**_

_**No longer need to be defensive**_

_**Goodbye, old you**_

_**When love is true

* * *

**_

The End…


	5. Always a Woman to Me

Disclaimer: Don't own, you don't sue

A/N: The song is _Always a Woman to Me_ by Billy Joel. The idea to use this song was given to me by LandofShadows! THANK YOU SO MUCH! if you have a song that you want me to write a fic to, write the title in a review! Thanky mucho!

**

* * *

**

**Always a Woman to Me**

**George Huang's POV**

"Have a seat,"

He slumps heavily onto the chair. It's not unusual that he doesn't follow procedure, Elliot doesn't like visiting me or any other shrink, it's unusual that he's here unless Cragen forced him to come, which I know he didn't.

"Liv made me come!" he explains quickly, "She wants me to talk about my divorce with someone."

It makes sense that he would listen to Olivia. He would do anything for her, if she told him to jump off a bridge, he would ask which one. I still have to wonder why she wants him to talk about his divorce though.

"Why do you think that is?" I need to go into psychiatrist mode and ignore the disdain he's going to shoot my way.

"Because I'm not pining over Kathy," he's forward with me, it's surprising. Elliot likes to hide his emotions unless it's rage that he's taking out on a perp.

"Why aren't you?" he gives me an incredulous look and I can tell he is recalling the fact that everything he says is confidential.

"Because I'm no longer in love with Kathy." He drops his face into his hands and digs his palms into his eyes. "I'm in love with her."

I know who he's talking about but I need to ask anyways.

"Her being?" I trail off, Elliot needs to tell me who Elliot loves.

"Olivia."

* * *

_**She can kill with a smile, she can wound with her eyes**_

_**She can ruin your faith with her casual lies**_

_**And she only reveals what she wants you to see**_

_**She hides like a child, but she's always a woman to me

* * *

**_

"Tell me how you fell in love with her." I say quietly, this topic deserves my full attention. Elliot needs my full support, knowing that his feelings aren't wrong is almost as important as the way Olivia responds when he tells her.

"I'm not sure." He starts, even though he knows exactly what he wants to say, "Every time she looks at me, my heart is pierced through. When she smiles at me, I want to melt at her feet." I can see his inner struggle for control. "I guess I fell hard and fast when she first said my name. There was something inside her that latched on to me and wouldn't let go. She would run, whenever a man got close to her and that intrigued me."

"Are you sure it's love?" I hate myself for asking questions that have blatantly obvious answers.

"She only shows people what she thinks they'll like about her. I've seen every hidden piece of her personality. Her childhood was ripped away from her, she had to grow up too fast and it affected the way she feels about commitment, but she's perfect to me."

"You didn't answer the question," he is glaring harshly at me now, I resist the urge to shrink away from is anger.

"I'm not sure of anything, I just know that I would do anything to keep her happy and safe!"

* * *

_**She can lead you to love, she can take you or leave you**_

_**She can ask for the truth, but she'll never believe**_

_**And she'll take what you give her as long it's free**_

_**Yeah, She steals like a thief, but she's always a woman to me

* * *

**_

"That's a good insight, do you think she loves you back?" good, my voice is calm and soothing, maybe Elliot will unclench his fists now.

"I dunno!" He sighs softly, "Sometimes I'm sure that she does. We flirt occasionally; she'll come to me with personal problems. Other times, I think she thinks of me the same way she thinks of all the other guys in the squad."

I want to grab him and shake the realization into him that Olivia is head over heals in love with him too, but that would also be breaking Doctor-Patient Confidentiality. Damn!

"She's gracious, kind, and never takes anything unless she knows that she can repay you." Elliot continues, "But she stole my heart and I don't think I want her to give it back!"

* * *

_**Ohhh... she takes care of herself**_

**_She can wait if she wants; she's ahead of her time_**

_**Ohhh... and she never gives out**_

_**And she never gives in, she just changes her mind

* * *

**_

"Does she know how you feel?" My questions are getting stupider by the minute.

His look shows me that he completely agrees.

"Why are we in the interrogation room?" his question, while a diversion from an answer, is a good one.

"My office is in use!" I hope he falls for that, I pulled it out of thin air.

He shrugs slightly, "I haven't told her outright!" he shifting uncomfortably. Good! "I'm not sure if I should." He continues, "I don't want to ruin anything about our friendship. I don't want things to be awkward."

"You do realize that it will be just as awkward pretending you don't care!" Elliot doesn't like my answer.

He nods.

"She acts sweet, and then runs cold. She'll tell me everything, and then suddenly shuts me out."

I can see tears starting to form behind his eyes.

Elliot crying? Hell yeah! I'll believe it.

* * *

**_And she'll promise you more than the Garden of Eden_**

_**Then she'll carelessly cut you and laugh while you're bleeding**_

**_But she'll bring out the best and the worst you can be_**

_**Blame it all on yourself 'cause she's always a woman to me

* * *

**_

"Tell me about your kids' relationships with Olivia." I feel like a couples' counselor.

Elliot's smile grows and the saline behind his eyes dissipates for a moment.

"Maureen and Liv are good friends. They go shopping; see movies, talk, and Maureen has spent the night at Liv's apartment a few times before. They're pretty close. Liv is a great role model for my baby girl."

I nod in agreement. "Liv's smart!"

"Kathleen looks up to her, Liv is a trusted adult that she can go to with problems. There is some stuff that I can't help her with because I'm a guy and she's usually with her mother which makes her reserved. They get along."

"Lizzie? Dickie?" I prompt,

"Lizzie thinks that Liv is her aunt, she's never known my job without us together as partners. She's run away before, we found her at Olivia's apartment. Those two are really close. When she's over, Lizzie insists that she calls Liv to say goodnight or if Liv is at the house, she needs to be tucked in by her." Elliot smiles softly again, "I think Dickie has a crush on my partner. He blushes when she takes interest in him or asks him questions. He wrote an essay about her for Language Arts once. It was titled, 'MY FAVORITE PERSON' and he got an A on it! To most people, she's just my partner, but she's always a woman to me!"

* * *

_**Ohhh... she takes care of herself**_

**_She can wait if she wants; she's ahead of her time_**

_**Ohhh... and she never gives out**_

_**And she never gives in, she just changes her mind

* * *

**_

Doesn't seem to me like anything stands between the two of them but fears. I take a deep breath and stand up abruptly. Elliot stares at me quickly.

"I can't help you," I mumble and make my way towards the door of the interrogation room.

"Didn't think so," he offers me a sad smile, "I'm just gonna sit here for a moment Doc," I nod and try not to bolt out of the room, I'm pulsing with nervous energy.

Olivia is standing where I told her to stand, right behind the one-way glass. A solitary tear is inching down her cheek and I hope I just did the right thing. She frantically wipes it away and gives me a questioning look. I answer with a small nod.

Brushing past me, Olivia opens the door of the interrogation room and sidles inside. I see Elliot's eyes widen in understanding, then panic. Liv has turned off the audio box and I can't hear a word they are saying, not that I really want to.

I should probably leave to give them privacy as well. I turn and shove my hands far into my pockets. I start to walk away and out of the corner of my eye I see her kiss him. Tentatively at first and then he drags her body against his. Time to make my exit.

_I'm Forensic Psychiatrist, Doctor George Huang now turned matchmaker._

* * *

_**She's frequently kind and she's suddenly cruel**_

_**She can do as she pleases, she's nobody's fool**_

_**And she can't be convicted, she's earned her degree**_

_**And the most she will do is throw shadows at you,**_

_**But she's always a woman to me

* * *

**_

The End…


	6. My Give a Damn's Busted

Disclaimer: I don't own them, you don't sue me!

A/N: the song is _My Give a Damn's Busted_ by Jo Dee Messina. The idea for this song was from garretelliot! Thank you so much!

**

* * *

**

**My Give a Damn's Busted**

**Olivia's POV**

"Leave Elliot!" my voice is harsh but it doesn't even begin to tap into the anger coursing through me. "Go after your wife and kids, they need you a whole lot more than I do!"

"Liv," he cuts my name off, I'm inflicting physical pain on him by telling him to get out.

"No Stabler!" he isn't going to sway me this time. "You told me everything was fine at home and that you had no problems. That all must have been a lie because people don't just pack up and leave with out a reason, Elliot, especially not when it involves leaving twenty years of marriage behind!"

I'm playing dirty, I know, but I'm past my strong point and I'm done letting him unintentionally stab me through the heart. He's been miserable for the past few weeks and never told me what was happening; just that everything at home was just peachy. Peachy my ass! Kathy left him and took the kids as well. I wouldn't have cared that he didn't tell me if he hadn't lied about it.

I don't care about how much he's hurting over them right now. He pushed them away himself and if he needs them so much, he should go after them and make things right. He should be a man.

I've been in love with him for the greater part of our six-year partnership, but this time I don't care!

* * *

_**Well you filled up my head,**_

_**With so many lies.**_

_**Twisted my heart**_

**_Till something snapped inside._**

_**I'd like to give it one more try**_

_**but my give a damn's busted.

* * *

**_

"Go talk to Kathy, I'm sick of you moping around since she left. You pushed them away and you can bring them back."

He looks at me sadly for a moment. "Liv, that's not it-"

I don't want to hear about it. Not this time.

I'm being irrational. Every night when he went home to his wife, a piece of my heart was chipped off and I'm having a hard time putting all the parts back together. It's stupid to think that maybe he was no longer 'in' love with his wife, that maybe he could love me the way I love him. I'm angry at myself and taking it out on him but I don't care.

"Beg her for forgiveness; hers will be easier to get than mine."

"She's not gonna forgive me!" I can hear a slight defiance in his words and it just makes me angrier.

"Don't leave till she does. Elliot, I really don't care!" if I keep telling myself that, maybe I'll believe it.

"My Ass Benson!" he sneers at me from the doorframe, "You care too much!"

"You're wrong!" I tell him firmly, "My give a damn's busted!"

* * *

_**You can crawl back home**_

_**say you were wrong,**_

_**stand out in the yard**_

_**cry all night long.**_

**_Well go ahead and water the lawn._**

_**My give a damn's busted.

* * *

**_

"Olivia," he chokes on my name now, half because he's shocked, the other half because of the tears I know are lodged in his throat.

"I wish I cared Elliot, but I did too much of that before! I can search my heart for days and not find anything."

Tears are forming behind his clear blue eyes, he's believing my fibs even if I'm not!

* * *

_**I really wanna care,**_

_**I wanna feel somethin'**_

_**Let me dig a little deeper...**_

_**Nope...**_

_**Sorry...**_

_**Nothin'

* * *

**_

"'Livia, I'm sorry, please don't do this!" his fists are clenched and his teeth are gritted, but I can tell he's just trying to stave off the tears that are threatening.

"No excuses El, I don't want to listen to them!"

He gives me an incredulous look. "I'm not-" I interrupt him again.

"Shut up Stabler!" I wish I had shouted, it would have made my words more effective. "I don't want to know that she left for a different reason! I don't care about Kathy! I don't care about you! I just wish you would get you goddamn depression out of the bullpen."

I have no idea where those words came from, but they are only half true. I don't care about Kathy. I don't want to hear how much he misses her, how much he loves her. I don't want to hear him say that he would do anything to get her back! But I do care about him. I care about him so much it makes my heart bleed, but I am through caring about this situation he's in.

* * *

_**You can say you've got issues.**_

_**You can say you're a victim.**_

_**It's all your parents fault,**_

_**After all you didn't pick 'em**_

_**Well maybe Oprah's got time to listen.**_

_**My give a damn's busted.

* * *

**_

I know Elliot talked to Huang about his problems. Hell, even I've talked to Huang about this divorce too. The fact that I don't care how much it hurts Elliot, the fact that I don't care if he loved her. I'm probably repeating myself here but I don't give a damn.

Huang says that it's not your fault. Even if you hadn't been in love with Kathy, her leaving would have stripped away your male pride. You know what El? I don't give a damn about your pride or your confidence.

Hope you can find someone who helps you through this, because I want your heart to break just like mine did.

* * *

_**Your therapist said**_

_**It was all a mistake **_

_**A product of the prozac**_

_**And your co-dependent ways**_

_**So uhh ... who's your enabler these days**_

_**My give a damn's busted.

* * *

I don't want to hear lame ass excuses!**_

Because I don't want to end up believing them!

* * *

_**I really wanna care,**_

_**I wanna feel somethin'**_

_**Let me dig a little deeper...**_

_**No…**_

_**Still nothin'

* * *

**_

"Benson," I don't know why, but his voice makes me listen. "I don't think you understand, I don't want Kathy back!" he enunciates slowly and grabs my shoulders staring me in the eyes.

"But,-" this time he interrupts me.

"I'm sorry I lied to you, but if you think about it I really didn't. I never told you Kathy left, but I never said that we were having a happy marriage. I just let you believe that."

Ohmygod! He's right! I'm angry over nothing!

But I still don't care about Kathy! Or the Divorce!

"I don't know what to do if you won't forgive me! Liv, I can't survive with you not caring about me or my welfare. I think about you every damn minute of every damn day. And I care about you, oh God do I care about you!"

I offer him a scathing look, "Maybe I do care about you, but I don't give a damn about your marriage, your divorce, Kathy, or anything that gives you your pissy attitudes!" I stop and notice the grin plastered across his face. "About them? My Give a Damn's still busted, and I don't want it fixed!"

* * *

_**It's a desperate situation,**_

_**No tellin' what you'll do.**_

_**If I don't forgive you,**_

_**You say your life is through.**_

_**Come on give me somethin' I can use.**_

_**My give a damn's busted.

* * *

**_

The End…


	7. Here, There, and Everywhere

Disclaimer: Unfortunately I don't own them, Dick Wolf does!

A/N: The Song is _Here, There, and Everywhere_ by The Beatles

* * *

**Here, There, and Everywhere**

**Elliot's POV**

I knew something like this would happen when I first saw her. Of course, I never thought that it would be this big a problem. Working countless hours a week, I hardly ever see my wife Kathy and when my new partner became a woman, I had a feeling that eventually I would find myself attracted to her. And Why not? She is drop dead gorgeous.

Only I went too far! I fell in love with her.

I'm keeping my feeling under wraps. I won't rip my family apart for something that, as much as I pray will go away, I hope doesn't leave me. Olivia can't find out. She'd beat the crap out of me for putting her in a bad situation and we'd need new partners.

I can't have a new partner, I need to be with Olivia!

* * *

_**To lead a better life I need my love to be here...

* * *

**_

"Dad?" If anyone could ever pick up on the very unprofessional feelings I have for my partner, it would be my eldest daughter Maureen.

I turn in my chair to give my baby girl my full attention.

"Hey Maureen, what's wrong?"

She gives me a small smile and blushes softly. Her thumb is holding her place in a giant psychology book.

"How do you know when you're in love with someone?" Damn, I'm so not ready to have this conversation with her! "My book says something about Here, There and Everywhere but I don't understand that!" she twists a lock of blonde hair around her fingers.

I motion to the chair across of me and watch her daintily sit down, placing her book on the table.

"When you're in love with someone you want them here, with you at all times." I swallow and it occurs to me that Maureen probably assumes that I'm talking about her mother and me. I'm not. I'm talking about Liv. "Seeing them, or spending time with them can turn the worst day into a good one, or make a good day the best you've ever had. Every little thing they do when they are with you changes something about you personally. I don't think anyone would disagree with me on that point."

_**

* * *

Here, making each day of the year  
Changing my life with a wave of her hand  
Nobody can deny that there's something there

* * *

**_

My daughter nods slightly and relaxes in the chair,

"Okay," her voice is quiet and I wonder why she wants to know all this.

"What about There?"

I chuckle.

"It's kind of the same thing Maur. When they aren't with you, you want to be there with them. Touching their arm, playing with their hair, thinking of everything good that can come out of you two together."

She nods again. I continue.

"You're so engrossed in each other that someone could call your name for hours and you would never hear them."

Like the time I was staring at the sun playing in Olivia's hair, and Cragen called my name for five minutes before Olivia told me I was needed in court.

"If you feel all that does that mean you are in love?"

"No honey, I'm just explaining your book. There are tons of ways to be in love. Eventually you'll realize if you are or not."

* * *

_**  
There, running my hands through her hair  
Both of us thinking how good it can be  
Someone is speaking but she doesn't know he's there

* * *

**_

"I understand so far, but what about Everywhere? You've already covered everything!"

"It means where ever you are, you want them beside you. If they are with you everywhere, you don't need to care about anything because they have your back." I stop, I know I just revealed to much about the real person I'm talking about.

Maureen's eyes widen a tiny bit but I tell myself she is simply processing my words about her book. Not the hint about Olivia Benson. I launch back into my explanation.

"When you're with someone you love, its comfortable, you can do anything you want and they won't mind. When you are with someone you are in love with, you go out of your way to make them happy, or to make them laugh. You want them to share everything about themselves, and then you share your love with them."

* * *

_**I want her everywhere and if she's beside me  
I know I need never care  
But to love her is to need her everywhere  
Knowing that love is to share

* * *

"Anything else?" She's a little more into the conversation now, leaning forward in her chair to get closer.**_

"You both believe that you'll need to be around each other for ever. That nothing will change the love you two share. You can see yourself in their eyes and you want to stay there forever."

* * *

_**Each one believing that love never dies  
Watching her eyes and hoping I'm always there

* * *

"I think I get it dad." Maureen stands and walks around the table until she is standing behind my chair. Leaning over, she wraps her arms around my shoulders and gives me a hug.**_

"That's good baby," I'm kind of surprised by the hug, she hasn't let me hug her, lift her up, ruffle her hair, you name it, since she turned a teenager.

"Can I introduce you to someone on Sunday? You, me and my guest can go out for dinner or something. It's your day off right?"

I'm immediately nervous. Is my baby girl in love? She is 21.

* * *

_**I want her everywhere and if she's beside me  
I know I need never care  
But to love her is to need her everywhere  
Knowing that love is to share  
**_

* * *

"His name is Jamie. He's 22 and he graduated last year."

I know I'm nodding out of habit.

"We've been seeing each other for two months and we've been friends since my freshman year."

"Do you love him?" I feel like myself, when I asked my heart if I was in love with Liv. Nervous, Anxious, Dreading the answer, yet needing to know with every fiber of my being.

My daughter pauses for a moment, before slowly nodding.

* * *

_**Each one believing that love never dies  
Watching her eyes and hoping I'm always there

* * *

**_

"Congrats, honey!" I ruffle her straightened hair under my fingers.

"Thanks Dad!" She starts to leave the kitchen, only pausing to grab her book.

I'm about to go back to my thoughts about my perfect partner, when Maureen pauses at the door of the kitchen.

"Hey Daddy?" I glance up at her and she gives me a knowing smile. "You should tell Liv how you feel!" I freeze but she smiles again. "There's nothing wrong with being in love with her, especially since she loves you back!

* * *

_**To be there and everywhere  
Here, there and everywhere

* * *

**_The End… 


	8. I'm Your Baby Tonight

Disclaimer: Me no own, You no Sue!

A/N: The song is _I'm Your Baby Tonight_ by Monica. If you gave me the name of a song, be patient. It takes awhile for me to think of the perfect scenario that is completely E/O! The last chapter's song idea was from LandofShadows,i think i forgot to mention that!

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* * *

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**I'm Your Baby Tonight**

**Olivia's POV**

How the hell did I get myself into this mess? I said yes when my captain devised an awkward plan to capture a perp. If you want to get in depth though, this sort of thing usually comes with the job. No, the real reason I am in this mess is because I made a mistake. A big one!

Every girl tells herself that they won't fall for someone they can't afford to love at least once a month. And every girl usually entertains a crush on someone they should be attracted to at least once in a lifetime. As a teenager, we all heard 'it's a crush, it won't last!', now I'm asking why that advice failed in this situation.

I never was one to believe in love, let alone love at first sight. I was also never one to break the rules, bend them maybe, but never break them. When I met my partner, my brain did some rearranging. Apparently I can fall in love the first time I see someone, and break the rules by doing so. Two rules actually. The policy that states that their should be no relationships between partners, and the marriage laws that bound him to his damned wife. Why him? I doubt even God knows!

* * *

_**From the moment I saw you **_

_**I went outta my mind **_

_**Though I'd never believed in **_

_**Love at first sight **_

_**But you got a magic, boy **_

_**That I just can't explain

* * *

**_

So here I am, stuck between a rock and a hard place. Literally. I am pressed up against a brick wall, that's the rock, by Elliot's body, which is made up of hard muscle.

His shirt is lying on the cement sidewalk and I've been trying to resist the urge to move my hands from around his neck and run my hands down his chest. My shirt is unbuttoned and my bra is in place, his hands rest against the wall above my shoulders.

You are probably wondering what the hell I am doing with my married partner after expressly mentioning that nothing could happen. First of all, he's no longer married, he and his wife divorced two months ago. And second, we are pretending! At least he is, I wish this was for real!

* * *

_**Well, you got a, you got a way that you make me **_

_**Feel I can do, I can do anything for you, baby **_

_**I'll be down for you, baby **_

_**Lay all my cards out tonight **_

_**Just call on me, baby **_

_**I'll be there in a hurry **_

_**It's your move; so, baby **_

_**Baby, decide

* * *

**_

I can pretend too I guess. I can pretend that we aren't standing in a staked out alley, but his apartment. I can pretend that we are Elliot and Olivia as lovers, not Elliot-playing-the-John and Olivia-playing-the-pro.

I'm ready to relinquish myself to the dark side. I can pretend that I belong to him for just this one night. He can have anything he wants from me as long as I can pretend that he loves me. And none of that, I-love-you-as-a-best-friend, or I-love-you-as-a-partner crap, real lover love.

Feels like my dreams are coming to life. None of my exact fantasies included dirty brick walls or public alleys, but hell, they included Elliot. That's close enough for me. I feel high, but not intoxicated high, happy high! I'm trying really hard not to show the goofy grin that is threatening to give me away to him.

* * *

_**Whatever you want from me **_

_**I'm givin' you ev'rything **_

_**I'm your baby tonight **_

_**You've given me ecstasy **_

_**You are my fantasy **_

_**I'm your baby tonight

* * *

**_

His hands move to circle my waist and he presses closer against me. His. Hands. Are. Touching. My. Bare. Skin. Ohmygod! Breathe! I'm going to end up dead from lack of oxygen since I can't get my lungs to cooperate.

For all I know, I'm probably dead and in heaven right now. It sure as shootin' feels like I did. Maybe if I open my eyes I'll realize that I am twenty feet above this scene, watching it from a fluffy cloud.

I am more than willing to throw myself into this charade, I'm just waiting for a sign that he wants me to. I hope he has experience with rodeos because if he gets me started, it gonna be a hell of a ride. I can wait for him to make the first move. I've waited this long so far, another hour of two won't matter.

* * *

_**From the second you touched me **_

_**I was ready to die **_

_**I've never been fatal **_

_**You're my first time **_

_**I feel like an angel **_

_**Who just started to fly **_

_**Well, you got a, you got a way that you make me **_

_**Feel I can, feel I can do anything for you, baby **_

_**I would fly for you, baby **_

_**Hold on and enjoy the ride **_

_**I'm not in no hurry **_

_**We can fly all night, baby **_

_**It's your move now, baby **_

_**Baby, let's fly

* * *

**_

His lips gently worship my neck, nipping and sucking at the skin and I sigh quietly. He pulls back to stare into my dark eyes, his lips are moving but I can't understand what he's saying. I feel like I overdosed on some sort of pills, maybe I've overdosed on Elliot. Someone needs to call a bus; Detective Benson has lost her control.

I loop a hand around the back of his neck and pull his face towards mine. I stop an inch away from my lips and wait for his eyes to glance at my mouth. The night has begun and I refuse to let myself remember that I'm not really his.

I let my tongue wet my lips quickly and feel my eyes flutter closed as he captures my mouth in a heart wrenching kiss. Damn, when this is over I'm not going to be able to look at his mouth with out wanting to taste him.

Just tonight, I'll say that to myself every time I start getting emotionally attached to him. Just Tonight!

* * *

_**Whatever you want from me **_

_**I'm givin' you ev'rything **_

_**I'm your baby tonight **_

_**You've given me ecstasy **_

_**You are my fantasy **_

_**I'm your baby tonight

* * *

**_

Just for tonight. . .

* * *

_**Whatever I do, boy **_

_**It's all about you, baby

* * *

**_

. . . I'm all yours, El!

* * *

_**And ain't it the truth, boy **_

_**I'm helplessly in love with you **_

_**What else can I do, boy **_

_**But be there for you, baby? **_

_**You got a, you got a way that you make me **_

_**Feel I can, feel I can do any, do anything

* * *

**_

"Elliot," I mumble incoherently when he runs his tongue down my neck to dip into the groove at my collarbone.

Just Tonight!

Apparently he speaks my language because he pulls me into a soft embrace and holds me quietly while breathing into my hair.

"Ohmygod, I'm so sorry!" he whispers and now I want to smack him. WHY IS HE SORRY? WHY DOES HE REGRET KISSING ME?

Just Tonight!

"I'm not!" I whisper back, congratulating myself on reigning in my anger.

His eyes widen, and I have to smile. Yeah Baby, I'm yours tonight, take the offer while you have the chance.

* * *

_**Whatever you want from me **_

_**I'm givin' you ev'rything **_

_**I'm your baby tonight **_

_**You've given me ecstasy **_

_**You are my fantasy **_

_**I'm your baby tonight

* * *

**_

He pulls my mouth to his again and I have to stop myself from screaming with delight. He doesn't regret kissing me, just maybe making me uncomfortable. That's sweet when you think about it!

Maybe he really does want me too! Or maybe I'm delusional. Yeah, that's it! Time to see that Shrink again! There has to be some drug out there that will make me forget him. Oh Damn it all, he is the drug that has me too addicted to think straight.

Everything is in his playing field because I sure as hell would be his in a second. So Tonight is my night with him because I love him too much to take a real night alone. We can write this one off as the job and I can think about it whenever I need him too badly.

* * *

_**Looks like I'm fatal **_

_**It's all on the table **_

_**And, baby, you hold the cards **_

_**You got the magic **_

_**And I've got to have it **_

_**I don't want the pieces **_

_**I want ev'ry single part **_

_**I'll be your angel **_

_**I'm ready and able **_

_**Whatever you want is fine **_

_**Whenever you're ready **_

_**Just call on your lady **_

_**And I'll be your baby tonight

* * *

**_

"All Clear," Cragen says in my earpiece, we aren't wearing transmitters just earpieces. "We got the bastard!"

I start to push Elliot away from me but he latches on and won't let my body go.

"Baby, I love you!"

Hell yeah, I'm your baby, but only for tonight because anymore and you'll realize that you don't REALLY love me. You only think you do!

And that bit of information is going to kill me.

* * *

_**I'm your baby tonight **_

_**I'm your baby tonight

* * *

**_

The End... 


	9. Never Wanna Say Goodbye

Disclaimer: Me no own, you no sue!

A/N: the song is _Never Wanna Say Goodbye _by JoJo it was a request from Bite Beccy! Hope you enjoy. More ideas! Review them to me please!

**

* * *

**

Never Wanna Say Goodbye

**Olivia's POV**

That's the one thing about partners; Elliot always can tell when I have something on my mind. Up till now, he wasn't able to figure out what I was thinking about unless I told him, and he usually tried to pry it all out of me.

Elliot parks the car along the side of a deserted street and turns to stare at me. "Tell me what's wrong!" he demands. His male ego is telling him that he can fix anything that's making me miserable.

I've hid these thoughts for too long now and it's time to let them out. I let my eyes meet his for a moment before I stare out the windshield into the dark night.

"I've never been in love El," I know I'm whispering but I don't know why.

"You must have been at some time!" he's trying to be rational.

"I never had anyone who I cared for that much! Never thought I ever would!"

* * *

_**Never been in love  
Cause a girl like me  
Never had someone to care for  
Never thought there could be  
Someone special for me  
But now I'm all in love  
Cause a girl like me  
Waited patiently for someone  
Someone to care for me  
And there will never be

* * *

He is slightly shocked; I can sense his hesitation to say anything. His hesitation to break the moment.**_

"Except I think I'm in love now!"

"With whom?" he asks quickly, I can see the fear flicker through his eyes.

"Someone I patiently waited for."

I smile at him and watch him try to figure out who I am talking about. He won't be able to know that I'm talking about him unless I drop some more clues. Which I'm not going to do . . . yet!

* * *

_**No more lonely, no more just me  
I've been there before  
Ain't goin no more  
And now that you're here I  
Never wanna say goodbye love  
Never wanna be without you  
No more cryin, no denyin'  
I'm in love with you  
And now that you're here I  
I never wanna say goodbye love

* * *

"How does that make you feel?" who does he think he is? George Huang?**_

"Jesus El, you're not my goddamn shrink!"

He chuckles softly and I laugh along with him.

"I would say that I won't by lonely or alone anymore but I think I'm a little off on my description." I sigh

"Doesn't he love you back?" Elliot seems really concerned about this.

"No, but I don't want to say goodbye or be without him!"

* * *

****

Now it's time for me  
To find out what the first time love could mean  
Little scared but its cool  
Cause it's worth it  
Now I finally fell in love  
And I know that it  
Gots to be for real (So real)  
It's the way that I feel  
So come share my world with me  
So there will never be

* * *

"Why wouldn't he love you?" My partner asks, I see tears forming behind his eyes.

And you all wonder why I fell forbiddingly in love with this compassionate man.

"He can't afford to." I state softly _his job is on the line and he's only separated from his wife, not divorced. _I don't say my thoughts out loud.

"Who is the bastard? Let me talk to him Liv!" I stop the chuckle that threatens to escape. If only Elliot knew that he was the bastard who he wanted to talk to.

"I'm a little scared!" I admit, "But it's worth it, spending some time with him and knowing that I haven't gotten in the way of his life."

"Liv,"

* * *

_**No more lonely, no more just me  
I've been there before  
Ain't goin no more  
And now that you're here I  
Never wanna say goodbye love  
Never wanna be without you  
No more cryin, no denyin'  
I'm in love with you  
And now that you're here I  
I never wanna say goodbye to love

* * *

As much as I love Elliot, I am not willing to let those feelings buy me a new partner. They haven't infiltrated the office yet, and they won't if I can help it.**_

I know Elliot loves me, in a big brother, concerned partner, caring colleague type of way. I can live with that. I can stand here with my arms open to him and not need him to hold me together. I can settle for starting lovingly at him from across our partner's desk.

"It doesn't matter El,"

He's not going to believe me, even though it's true. When you love someone, their happiness is your biggest concern. I wouldn't get in the way of Elliot and Kathy's relationship even if it meant taking an emotional bullet to the heart.

* * *

_**So I'm standin here  
Arms open wide  
Ready to give my heart  
I'm sure this time  
Love's gonna last for life  
Baby I know things change  
And there might be some rain  
But the clouds are gonna clear  
And the sun is gonna shine again  
Shine light on our love baby  
So let's make it last forever

* * *

"It does matter Olivia!" he looks so sincere, "You deserve to be treated like a princess."**_

I try not to laugh, imagining me being pampered and petted. No thank you.

"No, it doesn't matter. You can't afford to love me the way I love you! There is too much at stake." I clap my hands over my mouth. I wish I could eat my words. I guess my fairy god parents are on an extended vacation. The Earth forgot to swallow me.

Elliot just stares at me for a few minutes, letting my words be absorbed into his brain.

Slowly, I see a smile creep onto his face and his hand loops around the back of my head. He pulls my mouth towards me and kisses me soundly on the mouth.

"No more lonely Liv. I'm never gonna say goodbye!"

* * *

_**No more lonely, no more just me  
I've been there before  
Ain't goin no more  
And now that you're here I  
Never wanna say goodbye to love  
Never wanna be without you  
No more cryin, no denyin'  
I'm in love with you  
And now that you're here  
I never wanna say to goodbye

* * *

The End…**_


	10. Amazed

Disclaimer: I don't own, you don't sue!

A/N: The song is _Amazed_ by Lonestar. The idea was from Justawritier and Touchstone! If you requested a song, it's coming! I promise!

* * *

**Amazed**

**Elliot's POV **

"Liv pass!"

Yep, today's my day off and I am spending it with my partner rather than my wife and kids. Nothing is more relaxing than shooting hoops, unless of course, I'm playing with a bunch of psychotic homicide detectives. Then it's painful.

The ball bounces towards me and I execute the perfect lay up. One Step, Two Steps, Three Steps, place the ball in the net. I catch the rebound and dribble a few steps before tossing it to Olivia.

"Good Shot Stabler!" she calls, our eyes meet.

I feel like my heart has been zapped. Like I'm a dog who overstepped the boundary of his invisible fence and the collar sent small, electric currents through my skin.

Looking concerned, Liv holds the ball on her hip and steps towards me. She places an elegant hand on my bicep and immediately, my pulse slows from it's breakneck pace and my breathing returns to normal. I know she cares about me, in a best friend sort of way. I'm so close to this woman that I can hear her thoughts and see her dreams for the future. I also know that I'm not necessarily a part of those dreams.

* * *

_**Every time our eyes meet  
This feeling inside me  
Is almost more than I can take  
Baby when you touch me  
I can feel how much you love me  
And it just blows me away  
I've never been this close to anyone or anything  
I can hear your thoughts  
I can see your dreams

* * *

"You okay?" her voice touches my ears and my soul and I dumbly nod.**_

"I'm fine!" God, can she tell I'm lying through my teeth? I'm so in love with her that I can't think straight.

I want to spend every second of the rest of my life with her, and if I'm not allowed to spend that time loving her, than I'll spend it just hanging out with her because she's so under my skin that I don't think cutting me in half would even get her out.

Dribbling the ball, she slowly makes her way to the top of the key and shoots a perfect three-pointer. I catch the rebound as it bounces towards me and watch her smile dazzlingly.

"Say it!" she demands, punching my arm gently.

"Amazing Liv, Amazing!" She thinks I'm talking about her basket. I'm talking about her.

* * *

_**I don't know how you do what you do  
I'm so in love with you  
It just keeps getting better  
I want to spend the rest of my life  
With you by my side  
Forever and ever  
Every little thing that you do  
Baby, I'm amazed by you

* * *

**_

"Top that Big Daddy!" she says coyly, her eyes glinting devilishly. I bounce the ball slowly, dribbling to the three-point line she shot from.

I rotate the ball, getting ready to send it through the net. Liv grabs me arm and drags me back.

"Cheater," she accuses. "From here!" I realize that we have reached half court. The chance I have of making this shot is about the same as the chance I have with her. Zip.

I jump a small distance and watch the ball hurdle towards the backboard before curving straight into the net.

"Swish!" Olivia calls, and I wrap her in a hug from behind. She turns her head to kiss my cheek at the same time I do and our lips gently brush each other. I wonder if she felt the electric shock I did.

She's perfect, and now I want more. "Elliot," she whispers, using her on-the-job voice. It's the whisper she uses when we follow suspects into dark buildings and she tells me which way she's going.

Her words touch my heart. Her eyes meet mine again and I stare into them, wishing I could drown in them and stay with her forever.

* * *

_**The smell of your skin  
The taste of your kiss  
The way you whisper in the dark  
Your hair all around me  
Baby you surround me  
You touch every place in my heart  
Oh, it feels like the first time, every time  
I want to spend the whole night in your eyes

* * *

"I'm sorry Liv." I mumble, preparing to let her go, now that I've practically ruined our partnership.**_

"El," I look her in the eyes again,

"That was amazing!" she croons and leans to press her lips to mine again.

"No," I say and she looks at me oddly, "You're amazing!"

* * *

_**I don't know how you do what you do  
I'm so in love with you  
It just keeps getting better  
I want to spend the rest of my life  
With you by my side  
Forever and ever  
Every little thing that you do  
Baby, I'm amazed by you

* * *

The End…******__  
_


	11. I Surrender

Disclaimer: FANfiction not MYfiction! I own the circumstances but nothing else! BOO HOO!

A/N: Song is I Surrender by Celine Dion! Sorry the update took so long. I've had the worst writer's block!

Sour

* * *

**I Surrender**

**Olivia's POV**

This is a historic moment so please pay attention. I, Olivia Benson, the big bad cop am scared. I read somewhere that the average life span of an American woman is about eighty years. That sucks; I have forty-three years left to sit around with my fear hanging over my head like a dark veil. Forty-three, that's over half of my life! I can't do this.

The fire in my fireplace is crackling gently and shows no signs of dying out yet. Usually it takes me forever to get a fire going to a point where I don't need to poke it every three minutes, but right now I want it to extinguish itself. Then I can make a quick exit to my bedroom and crawl under the covers and hope to _Something_ that the monsters under my bed have decided to go on a winter vacation because there is too much snow. That way, I don't have to sit here in silence with my partner, praying that no one we work with ever finds out how much he means to me; because that would really suck, especially if IAB were to get involved. I don't think words can accurately describe how much that would suck!

But maybe I can turn and face my demons, so that even if I fail miserably I can prove that I fight for what I want.

* * *

_**There's so much life I've left to live**_

_**And this fire's burning still**_

_**When I watch you look at me**_

_**I think I could find the will**_

_**To stand for every dream**_

_**And forsake the solid ground**_

_**And give up this fear within**_

_**Of what would happen if they ever knew**_

_**I'm in love with you

* * *

**_

If I knew that he felt the same way I do, if I knew that his heart started sputtering whenever I was around, if I knew that he wasn't moping the end of his marriage but the fact that it seems to have driven a wall between us, I'd give in. If I knew that all of the above were true, I'd forget everything just to feel alive in Elliot's arms. He has to make the first move though. I'll wait; but only because I'm too damn chicken to do something myself. I need a guarantee, but I still think we can overcome anything.

I always thought that falling in love would compromise all of my dreams for the future. I think I'm wrong though. I'd still keep all my ideas and my lover could help me meet my goals. I'd reach out and grab onto him and we could ride the biggest waves.

* * *

'_**cause I'd surrender everything**_

_**To feel the chance to live again**_

_**I reach to you**_

_**I know you can feel it to**_

_**We'd make it through**_

_**A thousand dreams I still believe**_

_**I'd make you give them all to me**_

_**I'd hold you in my arms and never let go**_

_**I surrender

* * *

**_

I see him stand up from my couch and I know I can't let him leave. No matter how scared I am of what my heart is doing without my permission, I don't think I can risk another night of insomnia, with only thoughts of Elliot to plague my restless mind. Saying he's the reason I have for living is a definite exaggeration, but saying that he's the one that makes me smile in spite of the horrific things we see every day is probably the truest thing ever spoken.

His back is still to me. I have to act now; swallow my pride and fear and live up to the honorable person I know I am inside. There isn't really a better time than now. Tomorrow is our day off so if things go horribly astray we don't have to stare at each other's ugly mug shots all day. I'm going to get this weight off of my chest and say what I have to say. If I'm lucky, all the locker room talk will have a shred of truth and I can have him love me as more than just a partner. Because I know he loves me, just not the way I love him. I don't think!

No one at work can take away my happiness. A policy is just a guideline, not an actual rule, and if I can keep my head about me at work, there's no argument that they have that I can't rebut.

* * *

_**I know I can't survive**_

_**Another night away from you**_

_**You're the reason I go on**_

_**And now I need to live the truth**_

_**Right now, there's no better time**_

_**From this fear I will break free**_

_**And I'll live again with love**_

**_And no they can't take that away from me_**

_**And they will see...

* * *

**_

He reaches into his pants pocket for his house keys and grabs his cell phone from his waist. He's probably going to call a taxi. The only reason we are here at my apartment in the first place is because we were caught by a snow storm while walking home from the precinct. I watch him grab him coat and sling it over his shoulders and work his arms through the sleeves.

I give in. The love I have for this man is stronger than the fear I hold for my boss' wrath.

* * *

'_**cause I'd surrender everything**_

_**To feel the chance to live again**_

_**I reach to you**_

_**I know you can feel it too**_

_**We'd make it through**_

_**A thousand dreams I still believe**_

_**I'd make you give them all to me**_

_**I'd hold you in my arms and never let go**_

_**I surrender

* * *

**_

Winter is coming on and so it gets dark lighter. It can't be later than eight thirty. I think my clock is wrong again. The fire in my fireplace burns a little brighter and cracks a little more loudly, the flame gobbling up the poor log inside.

I take a deep breath. It's now or never.

"Elliot?"

He stops moving but doesn't turn around to face me. Damn it El, didn't you hear the plaintive note in my voice?

"El, Wait!"

* * *

_**Every night's getting longer**_

**_And this fire is getting stronger, baby_**

_**I'll swallow my pride and I'll be alive**_

**_Did you hear my call?_**

_**I surrender all

* * *

**_

He does turn now, his handsome face looks troubled, and I wonder what he's thinking.

"I have to tell you something!"

Elliot stays near the door, looking like a rabbit about to be devoured by a lion. He's scared. That thought almost makes me laugh. He's scared? I'm about to friggin die from fright!

I stand and walk slowly towards him, noticing that there is still a glint of warmth in his eye-blue eyes but that could just be a reflection from the fire. Our hands meet and our palms slide over each other's, our fingers entwining. This is it! I'm officially about to commit social suicide. I'm gonna be a joke at work, my friends will think I'm a failure! Am I doing the right thing?

Stupid question, of course I am!

* * *

'_**cause I'd surrender everything**_

_**To feel the chance to live again**_

_**I reach to you**_

_**I know you can feel it too**_

_**We'd make it through**_

_**A thousand dreams I still believe**_

_**I'd make you give them all to me**_

_**I'd hold you in my arms and never let go**_

_**I surrender

* * *

**_

"I love you." I whisper to him and I watch his face drain of emotion.

I didn't say that right.

"Actually El, I'm **in** love with you." I take a deep breath and plunge into the dark abyss. "I think I always have been, I've just been scared. I'm not really sure what scared me, I just know that it's not there now. You are my everything and I'll give you every part of me that you will take!"

I think I need to call the bomb squad. He looks shell-shocked. I see a lone tear inch its way down his cheek to rest on his lips, the lips that I wish I could caress with mine, wish I could taste.

The power to make or break me lies in the palm of him immensely strong hands.

* * *

_**Right here, right now**_

_**I give my life to live again**_

_**I'll break free, take me**_

_**My everything I surrender all to you

* * *

**_

"Thank God Almighty for that!" I hear him pray silently before I stand on tiptoe to gently scrape my lips with his. "I'm in love with you too Liv," he whispers fervently. "I was just scared out of my wits about what you'd do if I told you!"

I smile against his mouth before uttering two more words to him.

"I surrender!"

* * *

_**Right here, right now**_

_**I give my life to live again**_

_**I'll break free, take me**_

_**My everything I surrender all to you

* * *

**_

The End…..


	12. Give me just one Night

a/n: the song is Give me just one night ( una noche) by 98 degrees. Enjoy! BTW: I've never tangoed before in my life so I hope that this is okay!

**Give Me Just One Night**

"Why are we here?" My partner moaned, rubbing her sore ankles. "My legs are killing me from that chase earlier, I really don't need to learn to dance!"

I chuckled softly, "Liv, we're here because Cragen wants us to be ready for our upcoming undercover stint!"

She growls again, "I still don't get it, I mean, it's not like we're gonna be tango teachers or anything!"

She's right actually. Our upcoming job involves a honeymoon in Manhattan where we are to play a newly wed couple. Might I mention that we are a newly wed couple who aren't supposed to be able to take their hands off of each other? In fact, this whole dance thing was my idea, a reason to get more comfortable with each other's bodies.

I've only just realized how much she means to me. How I love my partner with every fiber of my being and that I want to spend as much time with her as possible.

"I know," I answer her, "but we've got to be believable!" she throws me a dirty look.

"We're always believable. Why else do you think that they always stick us together?"

"Because we make a cute couple?" I tease and chuckle again when she sticks her tongue out at me.

"You wish!"

God yes, I do wish! And I know that she needs me as much as I need her, even if she won't admit it!

"So do you!" I counter quickly, opening the door of the dance studio for her.

_**If you're tellin' me you want me  
Hold me close all through the night  
I know, deep inside you need me  
No one else can make it right  
**_

We step out of the rain and into the air conditioned building and I gingerly take the coat from her shoulders. Our eyes scald each other when they meet and I can already feel the anticipation washing over me. I hold her gaze for a long moment, trying to read her thoughts and feelings, wishing that I could be psychic just for this hour and a half so that I could know every word that stampedes through her mind. For some awkward reason I almost find myself believing that she wants me to show her all of my love. But I could be imagining things…occupational hazard.

The Senora takes the coat from my grasp and pulls us out onto the dance floor. I just tossed my tie and popped the first two buttons on my dress shirt but Olivia has gone all out. I know that part of her is secretly excited about this. I am too but for a different reason. I can't wait to hold her, but she can't wait to learn. Her dress falls to her ankles and clings to her curves with a long slit up to her right thigh. It's low in the front and the thin straps cross across her back to hold it in place. Her shoes are black pumps that she's called character shoes and I know that I would die dancing in; but she seems alive still. Very alive.

We are a little late and Senora takes no time in introducing herself and shaking our hands. Her name is Elena Alvarez and she has been tangoing since she was seven. She explains that most of the tango involves body contact and she tells me to just hug my partner close for a moment. At first I think Olivia is going to protest but she slides easily into my arms and wraps her hands around my waist.

This is going to be fun, as long as I remember to keep breathing.

_**  
Don't you try to hide the secrets  
I can see it if your eyes  
You said the words without speaking  
And i'm gonna make you mine  
**_

After a fast remark about how cute we are together, Senora moves us into a starting pose. Olivia has her left arm draped over my shoulder and her hand resting on the left side of my neck. My right arm is holding her snugly against me while my palm rests flat on the warm skin of her back. Our other hands are clasped together with our elbows comfortably bent.

We asked for a crash course and we are definitely going to get it. I also think that Liv has done this before.

Her left foot moves forward while my right one shifts back. She stops me from nearly falling on my ass and her eyes sparkle with silent laughter. It occurs to me that our steps are completely opposite each other and that's not the way I want things. We are supposed to flow together like water. Instead we're more like a ying-yang. Beautiful together but totally separate. Her right foot passes her left and steps to the side. While my left foot mimics her right and takes a slid far to the left. It feels like we're going to fall over. But hey, I have her in my arms. Mine.

Sometimes I find myself wishing that Olivia didn't have morals. That we could fall into my bed together and love each other all night but then I remember that the Liv with good intentions is the Liv that I fell in love with. I wouldn't change her for the world. But if I could spend a second at her side as more than a partner, I'd show her exactly what she was missing. Me.

_**  
Give me just one night, una noche  
A moment to be by your side  
Give me just one night, una noche  
I'll give you the time of your life**_

The time of your life  
Ohhhh  
Give you the time of your life  
Oh baby yeah  


We both pick up the steps quickly and I marvel at how we haven't spoken since we entered the building yet we are now in perfect sync. We keep practicing. The other couples are long since gone and the Senora is off in another building rehearsing for a competition tomorrow. We just dance.

Every move she makes, rubs her body up against mine and I feel like I'm about to go insane. I'm crazy about her in general but having her this close to me and touching me like a gentle lover is almost too much! I want her pliable before I try anything out. Right now she is still too serious.

I let my fingers rub small circles into the skin of her back and I feel her press even closer to me, her hand teasing my neck. In one step, her left foot steps over my right leg but her footing slips and in an attempt to catch her, we both end up tumbling onto the studio floor. Me, crouching over her tired form. I want her eyes to betray her again so I do the only thing my body lets me. I kiss her.

_**  
Love and passion make me crazy  
Your existence makes me wild  
Wanna loosen up your feelings  
To see what's hiding inside  
**_

At first her body tenses under mine but then her lips give back what they took. Her arms come up to grasp my shoulders and I let my tongue slide past her swollen lips and into her hot mouth. It's as if our mouths took over where we left off and they tango together until we both need gulps of air.

The love I see in her eyes is outweighed by the fear of rejection that is also lodging in her mocha colored orbs. I love her so damned much.

_**  
Give me just one night, una noche  
A moment to be by your side  
Give me just one night, una noche  
I'll give you the time of your life**_

The time of your life  
Ohhhh oh yeah  
Oh baby  


"Liv," I'm almost out of breath, "I love you!"

She makes a purring noise in the back of her throat and starts answering in an unintelligible language. Spanish.

"oh mi dios. ¿Es usted serio? ¿por qué usted no me dijo más pronto? te quiero también socio. Tengo siempre y yo siempre voluntad."

"Liv," I mumble again when she finishes her rant. "I'm a dumb American, remember?"

She laughs lightly, "I love you too El!" she says under her breath and I catch her mouth with mine again. Not bothering to pick us up off of the floor.

_**  
Ay, que rico   
Me pone loca  
Como te mueve  
Como me toca  
Tu movimiento   
Tu sentimiento  
Si, yo te quiero  
Te doy la noche  
Toda la noche  
Ay, vamos!  
**_

"Dancing makes me thirsty," she says rather slyly, evading my eyes with hers. "Want to get a glass of wine at my apartment?"

I don't even have to answer her question. I just got my permission to show her what we could have together. I got my one night!

"Let's go baby!" I say, helping her to her feet and to the door, but not before waving at the little camera that I know Cragen and Munch set up. I hope that their night is going as well as mine is.**__**

Give me just one night, just one night baby  
A moment to be by your side  
Give me just one night, just one night oh baby  
I'll give you the time of your life  
Give me just one night  


The End…..


	13. Wind Beneath My Wings

Disclaimer: They are not mine, although it would be nice if i could have them for my birthday (which was yesterday!)

A/N: Okay, new chapter. Song is WIND BENEATH MY WINGS this version is sung be Bette Midler. LandofShadows had a snazzy poem that gave me an idea for a sentence, she knows which one! Thank you to BrittanyLS who gave me the song idea.

**Wind Beneath My Wings**

**Olivia's POV

* * *

**

Okay, this is it; I'm done pretending that I don't notice this and that you are oblivious also. It must be hard to have my back. Being the only girl on the squad kinda sets me up as an automatic target for the crazies that want payback for family and friends, or the psychos who are just messed up overall. When something goes well for me it's a big deal. Newspapers, Radio Stations, TV crews, they all want to know how a cop was able to make that collar, how a woman was able to negotiate a hostage situation. My mom used to keep all the articles mentioning me, her one way to show that even if I was second in her heart to a brown bottle, it was a close second.

Looking back through those clippings it strikes me that your name is never mentioned. You are "the brave Detective Olivia Benson's Partner," according to the New York Times, "An Associate of the star of the NYPD" according to another paper I don't think I've ever seen before in my life. I want to know where they get this shit. Haven't these goddamn reporters figured it out yet? Don't they realize that I have a partner for a reason? You never cared though, at least, it never showed if you did. You always acted like a sibling, a close one, who's elated with my success. That could just be your personality, I guess, otherwise you deserve an Oscar or something because you are better than any actor I've ever seen before.

* * *

**_It must have been cold there in my shadow,  
to never have sunlight on your face.  
You were content to let me shine, that's your way.  
You always walked a step behind.

* * *

_**

People stop me on the streets. The other day, two small girls wanted to tell me that I was their role model. None of this feels right! I'm the one with the broken family and screwed up childhood, still picking up random guys in bars sometimes because Mr. Right is either right under my nose and I'm blind, or he was just another fairytale and I'm not sure if I'm ready to hear that Santa Clause doesn't exist again. It was hard enough when he never came with stuff for me as a kid. You are stronger than I could ever hope to be. Your daughter Maureen is just like you, only female, you raised her well, even if you are still second-guessing all of your decisions. You are the one with paternal instinct, a knack with kids. You should be their hero, not me. I wouldn't wish my life upon anyone but me. It's not so much that I like it, I'm just used to it. Like a retainer or braces. You always hate them, but the only time you ever remember that their there is when you're trying to impress someone or when you got another piece of popcorn kernel stuck in them.

I've heard you and Fin talk about 'over the hill', I've seen you study the invisible grey hairs at your temples, I've noticed you rub your chest as though you think you're putting on weight, I also remember every time you comment on the opinion, it's not really a fact 'cause it's not true, that I don't look a day over 25. Well, Earth to Elliot, you're almost 15 years off. You deserve a fan club; God knows I have one, freaks with scrapbooks and walls filled with my pictures. I don't wish a stalker on you or anything; I just think you should know how important you are. Your smile is a great disguise though, I'll give you that much. Every time I ask you what's wrong, tell you that I'm listening, you flash me the killer smile and I get distracted. You distract me too easily. I'm getting off topic here, anyways; when you smile I forget that I was gonna con your problems out of you. I forget everything, sometimes even my name and yours.

* * *

**_So I was the one with all the glory,  
while you were the one with all the strength.  
A beautiful face without a name for so long.  
A beautiful smile to hide the pain.

* * *

_**

I look up to you El, even if you don't think I do. In my eyes you're perfect. Don't even try to tell me that you fucked up and that you're bit even close. Almost 60 percent of marriages in America end in divorce or something like that. Besides, it's not your fault. Kathy was the one who couldn't live with the hours, Kathy was the one who left with the kids, Kathy was the one who served you with papers. You're a victim, in a way El, but I don't think that Cragen would appreciate me arresting your ex simply because she is your ex. I think he'd die. I wish I had your control Stabler, your intuition. You're a damn good cop, and an even better man. You're daughter is lucky, she's you in female form. I wish I was you as a woman. I wish you would understand this one thing Partner, you're my hero! No ifs, ands or buts!

* * *

**_Did you ever know that you're my hero,  
and everything I would like to be?  
I can fly higher than an eagle,  
for you are the wind beneath my wings.

* * *

You are probably wondering why I never said anything before. The point is I'm saying something now. Kay? I'm chipping away the brick wall around my heart piece by piece because no one has a bulldozer handy and it's painful. I'm feeling things that I never gave myself permission to feel, I'm wanting things I shouldn't want and needing things I don't really need. It's all a mind game and my brain feels weak. It's as if I'm jabbing a needle into my heart and extracting each unnoticed thing, feeling by feeling, and it hurts dammit. You know me El, I don't cry, but these thoughts and realizations have tears threatening to drown me in an ocean of sorrows. _**

You should know that I'm enduring this though. I don't want you to be a macho big brother and make me stop. If I let it build up again it'll hurt even more when I have to clean out this emotional attic. I need to take down each spider web and make room for new ones because I can't let the same one monopolize the corners for my whole life. What none of these idiots who call themselves journalists have noticed, is that whenever they write a piece about me, they are only getting about half the story. I'm nothing without you except a lost girl with too much emotional baggage for any guy to be comfortable with me. There's no crying in baseball, you told me that once, but it's halftime right now and I don't give a shit if people witness these tears, I'll explode if I can't get this out somehow.

* * *

**_It might have appeared to go unnoticed,  
but I've got it all here in my heart.  
I want you to know I know the truth, of course I know it.  
I would be nothing without you.

* * *

_**

So it's time to take the princess dress off and close up the dress up box because I'm too old to play make-believe, I need to face reality and quit pretending that Ken loves Barbie and Barbie loves Ken, because things are never that simple, except in fairytales, and I don't live in one. At least, I don't think I do, I've never seen a real dragon except for the purple one named Curtis who I always run into at the supermarket. I need you to do one thing for me, I need you to be the man I know you are, and not do something stupid when I explain what I mean by facing reality. Ready hero? I hope so because I have to get this weight off of my chest before I suffocate.

I think I'm in love with you Elliot, actually, let me rephrase that; I know I'm in love with you. I'm not supposed to be. I'm Olivia and you're Elliot and it wont work, we might as well call ourselves Romeo and Juliet because in this case we could very well end up dead at any moment, emotional crap won't help us any but it needed to be said. I know you love me, it's just not the same thing as being in love with me. But I don't need you to be in love with me, I just need you to love me and give me a boost so that I can sit on that small white cloud and survey the world and debate about what I should fix. The first is a recipe for a HAPPY STABLER FAMILY,

Ingredients-

1 Elliot Stabler

1 Kathy

1 Maureen

1 Kathleen

1 pair of twins, Dickie and Lizzie.

Optional black lab

Mix into nice house in Queens, sit back and enjoy.

* * *

_**Did you ever know that you're my hero?  
You're everything I wish I could be.  
I could fly higher than an eagle,  
for you are the wind beneath my wings.

* * *

**_

That's all I really had to say El. I probably just used up all of my monthly minutes on this call and I probably used all of yours too! But it's worth it; if you have surcharges send me the bill. I'm not gonna run away this time. I promise. Just call my cell. It'll be on and I'll be home. Sorry to waste you time Partner.

Oh, and El? Thank you! I can fly higher than an eagle 'cause you are the wind beneath my wings.

Love you, Bye!

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

* * *

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Olivia leaned back into her burgundy armchair and glanced at the clock.

"He probably won't call back tonight," she mumbled to the clock, "that's a bomb shell message and it's late."

She closed her eyes and dozed off for about twenty minutes before her apartment phone woke her.

"Benson,"

"Liv, It's El," a moment of silence ensued. "Hold the recipe; it's time for Shakespeare to be re-written."

* * *

_**Did I ever tell you you're my hero?  
You're everything I wish I could be.  
I could fly higher than an eagle,  
for you are the wind beneath my wings,  
**_


End file.
